Tonight I had a new revelation about my 50-state tour across the country. Coincidentally, it was three years ago today that I made it to Alaska, the one remaining state I had never been to. Despite being thee years since finishing the trip I still continue to learn things from it. Often, I’ll comes across something in life where I draw back from my experience on the trip or I’m presented a situation that allows me to look back at the trip in a different perspective. I doubt it will stop anytime soon.
I found myself listening to this fantastic song titled “Home” by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros. The song starts with the lyrics “Alabama, Arkansas…” which got me thinking about my stops in each of the states, but especially Alabama where I got to know a few college students at the University of Alabama Birmingham.
Particularly I got to thinking about one person, who I saw in Virginia as well. Later during the trip I learned from a mutual friend that one of his best friends was shot and murdered while he was talking to her on the phone. It’s a story of how close I felt I had become to people on the trip despite knowing them for just a few days. Having known him just a short time I still felt this connection with him and wanted to be there for him.
Now for that new revelation I mentioned. In retrospect it feels that the connections I made with people weren’t always mutual, or at least not the depth of them. I got to thinking though, these people I met, they were all I had during the year. My friends and family I didn’t get to see. If I was longing for some sort of deep connection or intimacy I had to find it with someone I had known for only a few days.
However, I came into the life they were already living, they still had their friends and family to connect with and didn’t need me in a way I needed them.
People have often asked if it was lonely on the road for a year. I suppose the answer is yes, but not in the traditional sense. For starters, about the only time I was actually alone was when I was driving, and I looked forward to that. That was my time to reflect and relax. What made it lonely was that I was never in the same place for longer than a few days. I would start to build a relationship (sometimes a best friend and even a few romances) knowing that I had to leave shortly, not knowing when or if I’d see most of them again.
But I was still a human being, I needed some sort of connection and intimacy. I wanted to find that with hosts no matter how short it was. And if I hadn’t found it the trip may have been a whole lot lonelier, and a whole lot less rewarding.
Three years later, to recap Maya Angelou, I may have forgot what some of my hosts said or what we did, but I still haven’t forgotten how they made me feel.
I’ll never fully know what all of my hosts thought about this stranger that came and crashed at their home for a few days or what kind of connection they felt. But I’ll never forget the connections I felt with them, they were my life for that year, they were my friends and family. When something happened to one of them, I felt it too.
